Seeing Clearly…..
I have learned since my surgery that I have a serious sight
deficit on the left side. The docs were
confident it existed prior to the surgery.
In retrospect, that explains why I was running over curbs while driving
a rental car, of course. One of those
curb-running incidents resulted in one of my good friends renaming me Helen
Keller. What was evident to him was
obscure if not hidden from me. One of
the docs pointed out that the mind has an amazing way of compensating for such
anomalies which allowed me to “deny” any problems or fall-off in my sight that I’d
been experiencing. There were other
symptoms, which I vigorously ignored as “that wasn’t really me”---like getting lost
while driving.
Life is like that. We
become ingrained in our own way of thinking and adapt to the current
environment. We need the infusion of
light as the “independent third party” for bringing objectivity. To illuminate those things we simply ignore
or overlook. It’s in His Truth—God’s
Word that I begin to understand what is critical to real purpose; in how I
should conduct myself; that I am a child of God without condition. That’s all well and good, but to trigger the
benefits of His Truth, I need relationship with Jesus.
It’s in this relationship that I am finding my peace, my
clarity and my hope regarding next steps.
The latest trip to the docs this week was another sobering reminder that
time is short. As one doc explained,
surgery got you about 90 days, chemo will get you about 90 days, and radiation
gets you about 180 days. They are
concurrent, so whether you truly get another year is anyone’s guess. He also warned about radiation dementia….as
the cognitive processes are damaged, citing one of his current patients as an example.
So what? We are all
dying. The difference is I have a little
more certainty. The issue is whether we
are open and responsive to the light and whether we are embracing His Truth.
9 comments:
My sister, JoAnne Sult, has been keeping me up on all your antics Tim! Please know that people in the deep south (Louisville....louavuhl) are praying for you too! I know how special you and Mary are to many, many people! God is Good.
Tim,
A wonderful blog post and a reminder to all of us that we all need to be responsive to HIS light and embrace His Truth. Thank you for sharing a part of what you and Mary are going through. Please know not a day (or hour) goes by that I don't think about you both and pray. God Bless- Kathleen
We are praying for all of you in Reigate England! This journey is dear to my heart. When Joyce was denying that something was wrong, she kept hiding things from herself like keys and such, which seemed normal enough. It was the potatoes that ended up in strange places that was harder to explain.
God is in charge - Debey Mitchell
Your reflection reminds me of the Lord's command in the Proverbs:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn from evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones" (3:5-8).
I like your reference to needing a "third party" perspective, One that is not only outside of our circumstances, but also One who sees the end from the beginning. No wonder the Lord commands us (who can't even discern with certainty the next few seconds of our lives)to "not lean on our own understanding"!
Fabulous outlook Tim! I love your destination! It's easy to fear death, but I find it hard to believe that Lazarus was happy about it when Jesus told him to come back!
Tim Clark. I don't know what to say. I don't understand what God is doing. I can't even tell you how many times I've asked, "Tim Clark? Really, God? Don't you know we need him around for at least a couple more decades?"
I have learned more indirectly through you in the last couple of weeks than I have learned from any one person in the last couple of years (aside from my children who continually teach me, also indirectly, that I am a selfish oaf.)
God is using you, Tim, and it is powerful. That might be one of the most understated things I have ever said. I am privileged to follow your journey of a privileged perspective. And I am praying for you, Mary, and your precious family constantly. My heart is so full of love for you all.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm not sure if you remember me, but we are friends of Noah and Hilary. We met in Sao Paulo when you were visiting. Will be praying for you all from India!
I totally remember you, Janelle! We so appreciate your prayers. Thank you! :) Mary
Tim and Mary--Misty and I have you deep in our prayers and lives, praying that the power of God's spirit may dwell in your mind, body, and spirit and give you the grace of God's YES in whatever paths you might face. You both are very important to us both as fellow children of God and as members together in our extended family. I am recounting the enormous gifts you have given to us and our partnership in this family. The gifts from both of you will always be a part of our collective thanksgivings. Thank you for creating a space for your reflections and allowing our responses. More to come. For now, I hold both of you with this prayer: "Lord, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us the faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we are going, but only that your hand is leading us and your love is guiding us through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." We will talk again.
Timothy Weber
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