Joy ?

To my friends, brothers and sisters because of Jesus….

You have been an encouragement to Mary and me over the nine months subsequent to my brain cancer diagnosis. Thank you for the care you have extended to us as we have been the recipients of blessing on top of blessing.

Last Monday, the visit with the Neuro Oncologist (neuro-onc) revealed that the cancer has grown significantly in the last six weeks since the last MRI. I am no longer a candidate for a chemo drug, Temador, as it has been less than effective, besides the serious side effect of depleting the platelets. The next treatment option involves Avastin, which also has very serious side effects. Left untreated, the neuro-onc projected about two months of life. With Avastin, about four months.  Characteristically, this is an aggressive, fast growing type of brain cancer.

After praying about next steps, talking with friends, Mary, and our kids,  I've decided to end the cancer treatment through The James. I have contacted Hospice and we will now come under their care.

In reaching this decision, I found great encouragement in James 1:2-4..."Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

The idea of joy has puzzled me.  I briefly talked with one of my friends the other day and he suggested that the "joy" found in James 1:2 might be closer to shalom.  I found that interesting as I had arrived at the idea of assurance and peace as I prayed and thought about how the Holy Spirit has been palpably present in this trial.  Mary and I have seen our faith in Jesus affirmed and strengthened, not diminished in this time of trial.

I know the number of my days are ordained by God (Psalm 139:16) with or without Avastin.  It is with great peace that I move into this space that is within His sovereign and loving control.

I'm hopefully able to remain active and currently look forward to seeing/talking with you as His grace allows. We continue to place our we trust in Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, Eph 3:20.  

 

Krista, our middle daughter, along with her 3 kids are staying with us through June. She is a huge encouragement to Mary and me.  Shauna, our oldest daughter and her 4 kids were here through the weekend.  Noah will be here later after he and Hilary welcome a new baby boy into the world in the next week or so.  We will see them all again over the next month or so.  We are finding our remaining time together to be a great blessing.

Treatment Update, June 3, 2014

Yesterday was the latest doctor visit. Temador, the  chemo drug for treating the brain cancer is no longer an option due to the side effects, involving seriously depressed platelet count. An MRI was completed yesterday. MRI results were not what we'd hoped, but certainly were in keeping with the "norm" for glioblastoma, which means an aggressive, fast growing cancer. Basically, the MRI showed three tumors on the right side of the brain, but scattered through different levels of brain tissue. We were told that without treatment I have about two months, but with treatment perhaps four months.  I could also go another 6 years with treatment---that's how unpredictable this cancer has proven to be.  We will pursue treatment, which we anticipate will begin later this week. The drug, Avastin, is administered intravenously every two weeks.

Two verses keep running through my head:

1.)  “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.   I can do all this through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:11b – 13

2.)  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance….”

Contentment and joy -- two greatly misapplied terms.  

June 2, 2014, marks another milestone in treatment.  The time horizon has shortened considerably, which is fairly predictable with glioblastoma.  I’ve been anticipating this doctor appointment for the last few weeks and asking myself how I would react to the news.  To be candid, it’s not the news I was anticipating, as I’ve not felt better, nor had as much energy as I’ve had over the last three weeks or so.  Regardless, my reference point is the apostle Paul, who you might recall had been shipwrecked, imprisoned, stoned, whipped at least twice and was always operating in some unpleasant or life threatening situation.  

Paul’s encouragement based on his faith in Jesus rings true for me.  I do not fear what is next, as a Sovereign, loving God is in control.  I’m sad at the news of reduced time, which means less time with my friends, my dear Mary, and family. Yet, I operate with the certainty of eternal life with Jesus.  How life will unfold over the next few months is anyone’s guess.    

The grace and peace that can only come from God pervades my thinking.  This is consistent with the many reminders found in His word that Jesus’ promises are bullet proof.  My contentment is not dependent on my circumstances, as I trust in a Sovereign God, who has my good and His glory at the center. My good is based on how a Sovereign and loving God defines what is best, based on His will---not my arbitrary and selfish understanding of what is best for me.    My trust in Jesus will certainly be tested in the coming months, but that is where the faith that Paul talks about comes into play.  Joy is a sense of security or assurance that comes from knowing that He does not allow any of His children to be snatched from His hand (John 10:28, 29).  Joy is not a false sense of elation.  I have the knowledge and promise that I will reside with Jesus after I die.  Life with Jesus is eternal.  All that has gone wrong will be made perfect for those who trust in Him since He is the great physician.  That is a joy I can anticipate and forms the basis for trusting Jesus---that His promises are reliable. 

My dear friends, I dislike emotional appeals, but I want you to know that as I face into this impending storm, I am trusting, confident and certain of the love of Jesus.  He has promised that I will join Him in heaven.  My love goes out to each of you.  I am hopeful to talk with you over the coming weeks and months.